CleanCo Clean G Gin Alternative

I really like a gin rickey on a hot day. We’ve discussed this in the past. And since it has been extremely hot so far this summer, I was looking for something that might allow me to have all the deliciousness of a gin rickey without drinking quite so much of the…gin. Just because it is hot out doesn’t necessarily mean I want to wake up the next morning with a hangover.

So as I was wandering through the aisles of my local grocery store, I noticed a line of non-alcoholic spirit alternatives in among the mixers. Now I’ve tried rum and whiskey alternatives before, and none of them were even close to the real thing. Most tasted like they were made by someone who had actually never tried the spirits. But I had a thought that maybe gin might be different. It isn’t barrel aged, so you wouldn’t need to try to figure out how to mimic that. And it’s flavored with botanicals. My theory was that you could do that by making a tea. I just never got around to doing it myself.

This means that when I saw the Clean G Gin Alternative on the shelf, I decided to save myself the effort of recipe creation and try it instead. Let’s see what the company has to say about its product before I tell you my thoughts:

Our take on a traditional London Dry Gin, Clean G features a crisp flavor with notes of balanced botanicals. That's because we carefully source and distill aromatic botanicals, like real juniper, to create a non-alcoholic spirit with a very fine finish.

Thoughts: Boy, am I ever disappointed in this. On its own, it tastes like 7-up that has gone flat. I get no hint of juniper, just a delicate citrus note. Definitely not making a martini with this thing. So I tried it in my favorite, the Gin Rickey. My Rickey was good. It just didn’t taste like gin. It tasted like fizzy water with lime in it (I might need to try just lime and soda more often, though, because it was delicious). After that, I tried a gimlet. Basically, limeade, sweetened and diluted lime juice. Finally, I decided to see how it held up in a low-alcohol cocktail by making a Negroni with the Clean G, Campari, and Vermouth. It tasted very flat. No vibrancy at all. The flavors of the liqueurs were present and tasty, but the “gin” just didn’t add anything to it.

Overall, for as much hope as I had for this, it just isn’t doing it for me. The one flavor I expect from Gin is Juniper. And this had none of that. I even tried infusing it with my own juniper berries to see if I could boost that flavor, to no avail. This is a pretty bottle. But it’s also $32 down the drain. If any of you know of a gin alternative that actually tastes like gin or even a nice juniper bitters, let me know. Otherwise, I think I’ll stick with lime and soda when I want a non-alcoholic rickey.

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Square 6 High-Rye Bourbon by Evan Williams

I’d like to thank Heaven Hill for providing this review sample with no strings attached.

Have you ever wanted to see a group of people roll a whiskey barrel down Main Street Louisville? Well, if you were in downtown Louisville in May of 2021, you just might have gotten to do just that. According to the 2021 press release of tonight’s bourbon, Heaven Hill Distillery President Max Shapira, Artisanal Distiller Jodie Filiatreau, Artisanal Distiller Emeritus Charlie Downs, Louisville Tourism President & CEO Karen Williams, and Louisville Tourism Chief Operating Officer Cleo Battle celebrated the release of the first batch of Square 6 by rolling a barrel of it down the street.

Ok, so what is Square 6? Because if you are like me and haven’t visited the Even Williams Bourobn Experience in the last couple of years, you might not be aware.

In May 2021, Heaven Hill Distillery announced the launch of Square 6 Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey, the first bottled Bourbon produced at their artisanal distillery in the Evan Williams Bourbon Experience. The Square 6 name pays homage to the original plot where Evan Williams built Kentucky's first commercial distillery in 1783, sharing the same block as the current Evan Williams Bourbon Experience. The High Rye Bourbon, distilled and cared for by Artisanal Distiller Emeritus Charlie Downs and Artisanal Distiller Jodie Filiatreau, features a unique mashbill of 52% corn, 35% rye, and 13% malted barley and is bottled at 95° proof with a suggested price of $89.99.

I became aware of this release when Heaven Hill kindly sent me samples of all three Square 6 releases to celebrate last month’s release of a new addition to the Square 6 lineup. Now, pretty much everything produced by Heaven Hill is at least good, right? So there is no way that this could be a less-than-pleasant experience…right?

Square 6 High-Rye Bourbon

Purchase Info: This was kindly provided by Heaven Hill for Review purposes. The suggested retail price is $89.99 for a 750 mL bottle.

Price per Drink (50 mL): $6.00

Details: 47.5% ABV. Mash bill: 52% corn, 35% rye, and 13% malted barley.

Nose: Wood shavings, cedar, raisins, and chocolate.

Mouth: Cinnamon, nutmeg, raisin, cedar, and mint.

Finish: Medium length and warm. Notes of cinnamon, malt, nutmeg, mint, vanilla, and leather.

Thoughts: When you think of Heaven Hill bourbon, this is not what you think of. This tastes much more like a craft bourbon than one made by one of bourbon's largest producers. And I don't mean that as a compliment. This tastes like an early craft bourbon from before the industry found its footing. I am not a fan…at all. I think this is the first dislike rating I’ve ever given a Heaven Hill release. I’m shocked. But, hey, your mileage may vary. I’m not a fan of malt whiskey, especially when combined with the American Straight Whiskey aging process. And this had a lot of malt notes that just aren’t translating well for my palate. I also dislike raisins. A lot. So that isn’t helping either.

All in all, I’d skip this one if your palate aligns with mine. But if you think it sounds tasty, see if they offer samples at the distillery or if they have it at one of the many bars down the street before you drop a hundred bucks on a full bottle.

Stay tuned for reviews of the other releases in the Square 6 line in the coming days. They do get better…

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What's With All the Weird Faces? Why I Don't Rate Whiskeys Like the Usual Whiskey Person

What the hell is with all the funny faces? Why can’t you do something useful like give a whiskey a number score? You know, even a 1-10 would help us know if this whiskey is better than another whiskey.

This is just a small sampling of the sentiments I get in my email now and then. Don’t get me wrong, I love the passion that it takes to take the time to write to me. Hell, I just like to know that people are reading this. But as it has been…five years (?!? where has the time gone?) since I last wrote a post like this, I thought it might be time to explain my silliness to all of you who are new.

By the way, if you arrived in the last five years, WELCOME! The bar is in the corner, please pour yourself something nice from the fancy shelf.

So. Why don’t I use numerical scores? Well, everyone who writes about whiskey approaches things differently.  Some reviewers like to use numbers. Numbers make a review feel scientific because you've done some math. Some reviewers like to use stars. Stars are easy to visualize and are familiar to Amazon shoppers everywhere. I like to use various cartoon faces and hearts because I'm silly. Probably too silly for my own good. The point is that any and/or all of these are correct. They all adequately represent how much or how little a reviewer liked any given whiskey. But no matter how a writer presents it, we as readers need to remember that the rating is still just a subjective opinion. Whiskey is subjective. There is no objectively bad whiskey. Someone out there likes everything that has been produced and they should not be shamed for that, even if you don’t agree with them.

It probably goes without saying, but I like Bourbon, Rye, Canadian whisky, craft whiskey, Irish whiskey, Gin, and a lot of cocktails. As a general rule, I don’t really like Scotch Whisky, though there are exceptions. Am I wrong that I don’t care for Scotch? No. My taste buds apply only to me. This is what I mean when I say there is no objectively bad whiskey, just whiskey that I don’t like. I’m not here to tell you if you should like a whiskey, only if I do or don’t. I judge whiskey, not people.

So, I like bourbon. I enjoy it in many different ways. Sometimes I enjoy thoughtfully tasting bourbon. I pour it into a nosing glass, sit down, concentrate, and try to tease out all the little smells and tastes that are hidden inside the glass. And if it is interesting, I'll probably like it. Other times, I want to enjoy bourbon in a rocks glass while playing cards or watching tv or conversing with friends. I'm not paying a lot of attention to it, but if it tastes good and it's acting as a social lubricant, I'll probably like it. Sometimes I enjoy it in a cocktail. Even if it isn't great neat, if it makes a killer Manhattan, I'll probably like it. And if I like it, then I'll tell you I like it. And then I'll put a little smiley face next to my thoughts on it. 

Sometimes I find a bourbon that doesn't taste good and isn't all that interesting. Needless to say, I don't like these. I've gotten pretty good at knowing what I like, and since I buy a good percentage of the whiskey reviewed on the site, the odds are that I'm not buying too many duds. But occasionally one slips through, or I buy one specifically for research purposes. When that happens, I'll tell you I dislike it and put a little frowny face next to my thoughts.

Of course, some whiskeys are just...meh. There is nothing offensive about them. They don't taste bad. I don't dislike it, but I don't like it either. I can see why others might like it, but it's just sort of in the middle there for me. Just not to my tastes. In such a case I'll just drop a neutral face on it.

Very occasionally I'll drop a heart on something. This means I love it. No ifs, ands, or buts. I'd take this whiskey over almost any other. 

So to recap:

A heart means I loved this whiskey. I'd have to pause and think (briefly) if forced to choose between it and my wife. (shhhh... don't tell her)

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A smiley face means I liked the whiskey or I found it interesting while tasting it. Or I enjoyed myself while drinking it. Or I enjoyed the company I drank it with. Or I was having fun. Most bourbons and ryes will be in this category because, on at least some level, I like most bourbons and ryes I've tasted.

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A neutral face means meh. I didn't particularly like this whiskey, but I didn't hate it either. It wasn't for me. But you might like it.

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A frowny face means I really disliked this. I probably dumped it out or at least thought about dumping it out.

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We all have different life experiences that color our perceptions. If you drink moonshine exclusively and you age it to a young age, that young whiskey may taste amazing to you. If however, you gave that very same whiskey to a person who exclusively drinks 12-year-old bourbon, they will probably vehemently disagree. The same thing goes for tasting notes. They are each informed by our own life experiences. I taste JuicyFruit gum when I taste Four Roses. Other people might taste Jackfruit, but I've never had a Jackfruit, so I say JuicyFruit. Some people might taste almond in a whiskey. I'm allergic to nuts, so I only have an academic idea of what almonds taste like. If I use it as a tasting note, it will have come from my wife (we do the notes together). The point is that everyone will like different things and has had different experiences to inform their tastes. And that's ok. In fact, it’s pretty cool. It gives us whiskey lovers something to talk about aside from the weather.

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LAWS Whiskey House 4-Pack Virtual Tasting Experience

Seven months ago, I reviewed two bottles of Bourbon created by LAWS Whiskey House out of Denver, CO. One was a store pick of their bourbon and the other was a two-year-old version of their standard release bourbon that was included in the LAWS 4-Pack Virtual Tasting Experience. I said in that post “I’m going to just focus on the two Bourbons tonight and leave the rest for another day.” Well after seven months, that day has come. And while I encourage you to go back and read that post, I’m just going to post the tasting notes of the Bourbon below so that they are all in the same place.

LAWS Whiskey House uses local ingredients in its whiskeys. This package looks to have been created to show off that fact. It contains a Straight Malt Whiskey, a Straight Rye, and a Straight Wheat Whiskey along with a Bourbon that uses all three. According to the side of the box, the distillery is in Denver and all of their grains and water come from within four hours drive of the distillery. The corn is Homestead Corn sourced from Whiskey Sisters Supply near Burlington, CO. The other grains (San Luis Valley™ Rye, Centennial™ Wheat, and Henry Road™ Barley Malt) are sourced from Cody Family Farms near Alamosa, CO. How’s that for transparency?

One thing to keep in mind is that this tasting set has all the whiskeys age stated as “aged at least 2 years.” It looks as if the current releases of these products are currently three years old so there will probably be differences in tasting notes between the two releases. With that said, let’s jump right in.

LAWS Whiskey House 4-Pack Virtual Tasting Experience

Purchase Info: $34.98 for a multi-pack of four 100mL bottles of their core whiskey line at Hazel’s Beverage World, Boulder, CO.

Price per Drink (50mL): $4.37

Details: 47.5% ABV. "Aged At Least 2 Years."

LAWS Whiskey House Four Grain Straight Bourbon (Originally published 7/13/21)

Nose: Dried Grain and maple.

Mouth: Cinnamon spice, dried grain, mint, applesauce, and black tea.

Finish: Warm and on the longer side of medium. Notes of dried grain and wintergreen.

Thoughts: This doesn't really do it for me. I'm getting better with well-constructed grain-forward bourbons, but this takes grain-forward to an extreme. I've eaten dried cereal grains before, and while it isn't an unpleasant experience, it isn't something I am looking to do for fun. This tastes like that did. Nice, clean grain flavors, but not something I am looking to have more of. Now, from what I understand, they are trying to showcase their locally sourced heirloom grains with this product. They did that very well, it just isn’t for me. But it might be something to check out if that idea appeals to you.

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LAWS Whiskey House Centennial Straight Wheat Whiskey

Nose: Spearmint, cinnamon candies, a hint of dried grain.

Mouth: Nice spicy cinnamon notes along with almond and honey.

Finish: Medium length and warmth. Notes of dried grain, cinnamon, and candied fruit.

Thoughts: I like this one. Probably not enough to buy a full bottle, but I certainly don't regret letting it into my house. It tastes more mature than the bourbons did. As such I like it better than I did the bourbon. The dried grain notes are clean and not overpowering when they are present. Yep. Pretty darn tasty.

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LAWS Whiskey House San Luis Valley Straight Rye whiskey

Nose: Cedar, cinnamon, ginger, sandlewood.

Mouth: Follows the nose. Spicy with ginger, cinnamon, mint and cedar.

Finish: Medium length. Notes of brown sugar, cinnamon, and dried grain.

Thoughts: This is really good. Kinda wish I'd have bought a full bottle of this when I had the opportunity. I might have to remedy that if next time I travel through a state that distributes it. The only hint that this whiskey is only two years old is on the finish. It shows some dried grain notes at that point, but not before. Overall it's a good, if young, rye whiskey.

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LAWS Whiskey House Henry Road Straight Malt Whiskey

Nose: Cooked cereal grains.

Mouth: Dried hay, butterscotch, and cinnamon.

Finish: Medium length. Strong notes of butterscotch and cinnamon.

Thoughts: This one is quite a bit too grain-forward for me. I don't like it at all, but I also have a known bias against malt whiskeys so take that how you will. On top of that, I’m not a huge butterscotch fan. So I guess it just hit all the wrong notes for me. Overall, I am just not a fan of this. Doesn’t mean you won’t be though if those are notes that appeal to you.

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Cooper's Mark Small Batch Bourbon

My wife was wandering through a liquor store the other day. In and of itself, this is not an unusual occurrence. But on this day, she was looking for something that might be interesting for us to review, which is pretty unusual since I am the one who tends to handle that. I like when she is the one buying, and not just because she is buying. No, I like that she comes at things with a different perspective than I do. I tend to look at a shelf full of whiskey and think about what I could buy that will taste good. She looks at a shelf of whiskey and thinks about what she can buy that is inexpensive.

I mean, she likes good whiskey too. She is just more apt to take a flyer on an inexpensive one that she’s never heard of than I am these days. But since you guys are almost as frugal as she is, these flyers do tend to lead to some interesting posts. Which is how a bottle of Cooper’s Mark Bourbon landed on our kitchen table.

So what is Cooper’s Mark Bourbon? That, my friend, is a very good question. The brand has no website. Which is more than a little weird. A Google search brings up a couple of reviews, but mostly serves up results for Brown-Forman’s Cooper’s Craft Bourbon and Beam Suntory’s Maker’s Mark bourbon. So I turned to look at the bottle. A bottle that looked was a close match to the shape of Brown-Forman’s Woodford Reserve bottle. Not much there either. In fact, almost half of the 112 words on the label came from the government warning. And a lot of the words that were on the label were repeated, see below.

Front label:
Cooper’s Mark Bourbon Whiskey
Small Batch
Charcoal Filtered • Extra Smooth
Uniquely hand crafted from specially selected barrels for a superior smooth flavor. 
45.5% Alc/Vol (91 proof)
Genuine Cooper’s Mark small batch bourbon whiskey
750 ml Net Cont.
91 proof

Left Side:
Genuine Cooper’s Mark small batch bourbon whiskey is carefully hand crafted for a complex balance of flavors & aroma. 

Right Side:
Government Warning
Produced & Bottled by Cooper’s Mark Whiskey Company, Princeton, MN 55371

To be honest, I’m more than a little surprised that I haven’t seen an article about Cooper’s Mark being sued for trademark infringement for this bottle. When most of the search results that come back are about other products, and your bottle looks like a third’s? That seems to be the definition of market confusion. In fact, there was another product a while back, Bison Ridge Canadian Whisky, that was sued by Sazerac for trademark infringement. So it wouldn’t be unheard of.

Anyway. This made me wonder who made this particular bottle of whiskey. So I decided to do more in-depth searching. Doing a COLA search with the TTB gave me the name of the company that is selling the whiskey, United States Distilled Products Co. in Princeton, MN. Of course, I still had no idea who that was, but after checking out a few job postings on LinkedIn, I found their website www.usdp.com which forwards to the Phillips Distilling website.

Being from Minnesota, I should have known. Until we finally got our craft distilling laws worked out, we had only one beverage alcohol distilling company: Phillips Distilling. They are the biggest liquor company in the state. They, or their parent company, United States Distilled Products Co., own Johnson Brothers Distributing, a multi-state alcohol distribution company; Prestige Beverage Group, the owners of Bison Ridge Canadian Whisky mentioned above; and others.

So, I can easily say that I am not a fan of a lot of what is in USDP’s portfolio. There are a lot of vodkas (high-end, low-end, and flavored), flavored whiskies, Scotches, liqueurs, ready-to-drink cocktails, and Windsor Canadian. Though I haven’t had Windsor Canadian in over 20 years, I still remember what it tasted like. I feel no need to try again. I do, however, like a few of the wines in their portfolio and I’d probably give the one bourbon they list on their portfolio pages a try.

I came into this just wanting to know who produced the bourbon I was tasting. As you might notice, when I want an answer I’ll spend a stupid amount of time trying to find it. So now that we know who is selling Cooper’s Mark bourbon (no mention of the state of distillation so who knows who actually distilled it), let’s see how it tastes.

Cooper's Mark Small Batch Bourbon

Purchase Info: $22.48 for a 750 mL bottle at Marketplace Foods, Menomonie, WI

Price per Drink (50 mL): $1.50

Details: 45.5% ABV. No age statement.

Nose: Caramel, wood, mixed nuts, and delicate red fruit.

Mouth: There is almost nothing to this. Hints of caramel and vanilla and a touch of eucalyptus.

Finish: Warm and of medium length. Notes of caramel, cinnamon, and something super funky that I cannot place.

Thoughts: I do not like this. It was a very "meh" bourbon until the finish. Then it fell off of a cliff. My wife summed it up best when she exclaimed "it tastes like a cinnamon red hot that went bad!" It's just…not good. I'd give it a very wide berth at the liquor store.

For my future tastebud’s sake, I hope that the bourbon Phillip’s claims online is better than this one. Maybe there’s a reason that the company doesn’t talk about Cooper’s Mark Bourbon.

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Nelson's Green Brier Tennessee Whiskey

Well. It’s official. I’m old. I’ve needed glasses for the computer since the week after I turned 40. But this year, it was decided that I needed glasses for watching tv and (more importantly) driving too. And because of that, I have ordered my first pair of bifocals.

As I said, I’m officially old. I’ve gone from one pair of glasses that I only need sporadically to two pairs that I’m afraid to wear because they are too professional and way too expensive and four cheapie pairs from Zenni that I will probably wear constantly. Including the previously mentioned bifocals.

Until the bifocals come in, I’m going the librarian route and keeping a pair on a rope around my neck so that I can easily swap in the readers when appropriate. If it weren’t for the fact that my cheapie glasses are fun colors like purple, green, and bright blue, I’d look even older. Geez. Thank goodness I still feel young.

Most of the time.

One thing that should feel young is tonight’s whiskey. It doesn’t have a stand-alone age statement, but the block of copy on the back tells you that it is a minimum of two years old. And it tastes every month of that. Not going to sugarcoat it. This one tastes super young to me. But before I give away everything let’s get to the review.

Nelson's Green Brier Tennessee Whiskey

Purchase Info: $29.99 for a 750 mL bottle at the Party Source, Bellevue, KY

Price per Drink (50 mL): $2.00

Details: 45.5% ABV. 2 year age statement

Nose: Raisin, cinnamon, brown sugar, and mint.

Mouth: Thin mouthfeel. Gentle. Cinnamon, mint, and dried fruits.

Finish: Warm and medium length. Lingering notes of sweet cinnamon, mint, and dried fruits.

Thoughts: Not really a fan of this one. I don't like raisins and American whiskey that has a strong, dominant dried fruit note will earn a dislike from me. Which, is odd since I don’t mind the flavor when in brandy or an Irish whiskey. In American Whiskey, it just tastes very young. This whiskey is better in a rocks glass than it is in the Glencairn, but I still wouldn’t be grabbing it off the shelf if there were other offerings. I didn’t even really like it in a cocktail. There are good bones to this and when it has had more time in the barrel, I think it will probably be worth another look. But I can’t recommend it as it sits now.

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Kamiki and Umiki Japanese Whisky

I would like to thank Kamiki Whisky for providing tonight’s samples with no strings attached.

View fullsize

As I write this, it is election day in the United States. Theoretically, election season will be over after tonight. But since I was still getting emails and texts from people either asking for money or threatening me with a loss of “Law and Order” as of 15 minutes ago…I’m not convinced that this is the end of anything. All I can say is that over the course of the next week, I hope that half of you get what you want and that half of you do not. All the while, knowing that almost half of you don’t care one way or the other.

God, I love how statistics can be both accurate and complete nonsense at the same time.

Anyway, on to something that has nothing to do with the election, or even the United States: a couple of Japanese Whiskies. In this case, provided by Kamiki Whisky. Just so that we have it all out on the table, I know next to nothing about Japanese Whisky. Over the years, I’ve gathered that it is closest in style to Scotch whisky.

“But wait,” you are asking, “don’t you hate Scotch whisky? Why are you reviewing this then?”

Well, no. I don’t hate Scotch whisky. I’ve just found very few that I enjoyed. But I requested these samples mostly because I have tasted whiskies from Japan that I didn’t mind, and I thought the finishing on these sounded interesting. Both Kamiki and Umiki are malt whiskies that have been finished in casks made of non-standard wood. According to Master of Malt, the Kamiki is “a unique blended malt whisky made using Japanese malts whiskies combined with specially selected malt whiskies from around the world.” That blend is then finished in Japanese Cedar casks. Umiki, on the other hand, is cut with purified ocean water and then finished in Japanese Pine casks. Never having had the opportunity to taste a whiskey finished in either pine or cedar, I requested samples when they sent me a press release.

Let’s see how this goes.

Umiki Japanese Whisky

Purchase Info: Kamiki Whisky graciously provided this sample for review purposes. They do not list a suggested price, but Total Wine in Denver, CO lists it for $45.49

Price per Drink (50 mL): $3.07

Details: Blended malt using purified ocean water for dilution and Japanese Pine casks for finishing. 46% ABV.

Nose: Clean and fresh with dried apples and malted grains.

Mouth: Cinnamon, dried fruit, and malted grains.

Finish: Medium length with a gentle heat. Cinnamon, malted grain, and just a hint of smoke linger.

Thoughts: I'm of two minds about this whiskey. While on one hand, I think that I would happily drink this all night if I was with a friend that wanted it, I also think that it won't be one that I reach for very often. It isn't quite to my palate. But I still kinda like it.

Kamiki Japanese Whisky

Purchase Info: Kamiki Whisky graciously provided this sample for review purposes. They do not list a suggested price, but Total Wine in Madison, Wisconsin lists it for $65.99

Price per Drink (50 mL): $4.40

Details: Blended malt made using malts from Japan and around the world. Japanese Cedar casks for finishing. 48% ABV.

Nose: Antiseptic and metallic. Sugar sweetness underneath.

Mouth: Sweet, antiseptic, Caramel and malted grains.

Finish: Sweet and long. Antiseptic and metallic notes dominate.

Thoughts: I do not like this one. And it is for the same reason I don't like many Scotch Whiskies. I don't like antiseptic or metallic flavors. There is also a numbing sensation to this that I'm not thrilled with. I can accept that there are many people in the world that may love this. However, I am not among them.

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Of course, if you want to support BourbonGuy.com and get a little something back in return, you can always head over to BourbonGuyGifts.com and purchase some merch. I’ve made tasting journals, stickers, pins, and more.

Lyre's American Malt and Ritual Zero Proof Whiskey Alternative

Have you ever thought to yourself “Man, I could really enjoy a whiskey cocktail right now, but I don’t feel like drinking?”

I haven’t either, when I don’t feel like drinking but don’t want something sweet, I shake some bitters into soda water and call it good. When I feel like a cocktail, I have a cocktail. But I am apparently out of touch with trends these days because I’m hearing more and more people talk about mocktails (a name I seriously hate) and even alcohol-free bars. I’ve even started seeing bottles of “Whiskey Alternative” on the shelf of my local liquor store.

Now, I like to think I have an open mind. And when I don’t exactly understand something, I like to learn more about it. And being the curious fellow that I am, I took it upon myself to find out a little more about why I might want a “Zero-Proof Whiskey Alternative” and if there is any room for them in my life. So I bought the bottle at my local liquor store which happened to be from Ritual Zero-Proof. They make a whiskey alternative and a gin alternative. And because I like to be thorough, I ordered a bottle of Lyre’s American Malt as well. I’d been seeing mentions of Lyre’s since the end of last year and I was genuinely curious about them.

I tasted each of these neat (not how they were intended to be served) so that I could get a handle on their flavors. I also used each of these in a variety of cocktails. I made each into a Manhattan (using actual vermouth and bitters), a sour, and a highball with Q ginger ale and a squeeze of lime.

Lyre's American Malt

Purchase Info: $35.99 plus shipping for a 700 mL bottle from the company website.

Nose: Molasses, caramel, ginger

Mouth: Very thin, no body to the mouthfeel. Weak iced tea notes.

Finish: Ginger, cinnamon, molasses, weak iced tea.

Thoughts: This smells and tastes way more like a rum than a whiskey. Those molasses notes are very prominent. Obviously this wasn't meant to be a sipping drink and it isn't. It doesn't taste bad for what it is.

Ritual Zero Proof Whiskey Alternative

Purchase Info: $21.99 for a 750 mL bottle at Viking Liquor Barrel, Prior Lake, MN

Nose: Smoke, bubblegum, apple

Mouth: Smoke, hot pepper, and weak green tea.

Finish: Hot pepper spice and smoke.

Thoughts: Ever been sick after eating a spicy meal? This tastes like that with a healthy dose of smoke thrown in.

Manhattan:

Lyre's kinda gets lost among the other ingredients. Orange and vermouth with a hint of molasses.

Ritual does not get lost, but that’s a problem since it tastes so bad that I was hoping the vermouth and orange would help hide it.

Sour:

Lyre's kinda tastes like a lemonade. Not too bad, might be good sparkling.

Ritual tastes more like a cocktail but the hot pepper flavor comes through too much for me.

Ginger Ale Highball:

Lyre's actually isn't bad at all. the molasses notes pair very nicely with the ginger ale. This would be my favorite of the six cocktails we made today.

Ritual once again suffers from the notes of raw hot peppers. Of the cocktail I've tried Ritual in today, the ginger ale highball is the best, but I'd still rather just have the ginger ale.

Thoughts:

I was genuinely curious about these. The Lyre's especially since they make an entire line of spirit alternatives. And truthfully, the Lyre’s American Malt wasn't bad. I could wish for a bit more spice to it, but bitters will help with that. If you are in the market for a "whiskey" with no alcohol you could do worse.

Speaking of worse, there is the Ritual Zero Proof Whiskey Alternative. This tastes like no whiskey I've ever had except maybe the Dickel/Tabasco thing. I think they were trying to hit the burn of a whiskey by using the hot peppers but it didn't land. At all. I'll probably just dump this one. I do not even remotely like it.

So do I have a place in my life for these? Probably not. Like I said earlier, I get more enjoyment and variety out of a couple of dashes of bitters in my soda water than I did from either of these. It’s easier too. Honestly, I think that the non-aged spirit alternatives from these brands might work better. Anything that is based on an infusion in spirit form, like gin or some of the liqueurs, might actually be ok since you could follow the same process to make these. Trying to hit the flavor profile of an oak barrel with spices seems to be a dicey proposition at best.

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